Moving Is Almost Complete!

Despite our annual LA downpour (yes, it does rain here - just usually only a ton for about a week straight then no more for a year), we managed to get all of our crap moved to our new apartment in West Hollywood. I made Brandon change the date of our u-haul rental from Saturday to Sunday because it was supposed to rain all day Saturday, then clear up on Sunday. But, of course, it was bright and sunny on Saturday and instead poured practically all day Sunday. However, God answered our prayers, and would you believe that it didn't start to really rain until we'd loaded the u-haul, then it poured buckets while we drove it to the new place, then it let up while we unloaded, then started back up again and continued for the rest of the day/evening/night. Woohoo! God is good! Now I just need to make one more trip to pick up a little bit of remaining stuff, and it will all be finished!

*For those of you unaware, Brandon is my roommate, not boyfriend. So don't be getting any crazy ideas in your little noggins!

Heath and Death

I was searching through the top of my closet for some tissue paper to wrap a gift and out comes tumbling a poster that I completely forgot I had. It's the movie poster for The Brothers Grimm that was given to me one summer after I interned for Miramax/Dimension Films. And why is this weird? Because it stars none other than Heath Ledger. So I unrolled it and there's Heath staring straight at me.



For some reason, I'm having the absolute worst time dealing with this. Other people have died and it hasn't affected me one bit other than the usual "oh that's too bad." Why do I get so incredibly sad when I think about it?! I didn't know the guy. Is it because he's the first major star my age to die? Is it because I had a little crush on him in the early part of college after 10 Things I Hate About You (along with every girl I know who has seen it)? Is it because I keep thinking about that cute little mini-Heath (aka Matilda) that I always saw pictures of him doting on? Is it because I was discovering what a tremendous actor he actually was and now I won't get to see anymore?

I just don't know. All I know is it's affected me more than I ever would have thought had you posed this hypothetical to me a few years ago. Maybe it's because I've never really had to deal with death in my adult life. When I was 10, two kids in my grade died and that was the first time I had ever experienced death. The first was Jennifer Carter. She had been one of my best friends over the first few years of elementary school and had been battling leukemia pretty much her whole life. I can remember exactly where I was when I found out she died. It was Christmas day and my brother and I were playing Nintendo because that was our big gift that year. The phone rang and my mom answered it and I can remember my brother looking at me saying something about the game but all that was running through my head was that Jennifer was dead. It's weird how, even at 10, I just had that gut feeling of knowing exactly what that phone call was about. Then my mom got off the phone and sat me down and told me what happened. I remember being in shock at first, and then just sobbing. I don't remember if I started sobbing right away or if it took time for me to process it all. I just remember sobbing uncontrollably. And this continued off and on for several weeks afterward. Then as I was getting over that, another kid in my class was in a car wreck and was killed. Now it's hard enough for a 10 year old to process one death, but two within about 6 weeks of one another is just too much. I can just remember crying a lot the rest of that school year as I slowly learned to process my emotions and deal with death. I even get choked up now thinking back on it, especially when I think about Jennifer. But what I realize now is that was honestly the toughest time in my entire life. Other things have happened that have been tough to deal with, but nothing that's exceeded that time of my life in sheer emotional exhaustion. And now as I'm writing this, I'm really starting to think that this was around the time that I started to close myself off. I used to be a pretty affectionate kid, but at some point I just stopped. My mom always asked what happened to her little girl who used to freely dispense hugs and "I love you's"? My answer has always been puberty! And while that probably had a lot to do with it too, I've also always been an emotional introvert. I don't freely give hugs. I don't say "I love you" without feeling incredibly uncomfortable. It's like I don't want to get attached because I have this constant fear that people will leave in some form or another. And I don't want to ever deal again with the emotion and exhaustion I experienced that Winter/Spring of 1991. And surprisingly enough, I didn't have to deal with death (other than a few friend's parents passing away and a couple of people in high school that I didn't really know) until two of my grandparents passed away in the last 5 years. And while I was sad about that and I do miss them, it didn't really sucker-punch me because we weren't all that close. So I'm still waiting around to really deal with that death that just takes the wind out of you. And I can see it approaching ever closer, and I dread the day that happens because it will be the first time I have to process through all of these emotions that I've essentially closed off since I was 10. And that's just a scary thing to think about when you've been an emotion bottler for most of your life!

I originally intended for this post to simply be about Heath, but I diverged a bit. So let me get back on track. Why am I so upset about his death? Likely because it's made me think about death and all that crap I just talked about (see how I'm deflecting attention away from my emotions? It's a pretty dang good skill!). Heath was on his way to being one of the greats of our generation. He was phenomenal in Brokeback Mountain - and yes, I did see Brokeback Mountain, but I'll save that topic for another post. And I've been anxiously awaiting the new Batman film after seeing the first teaser trailer and hearing the Joker's laugh. If you've yet to see the new trailer for The Dark Knight, you should check it out. I can't wait to see the film, mainly because Heath's Joker seems to be remarkable. It will be the coda of a young man's promising career cut tragically short.

Day 4 and Counting

RAIN!!!!!!!!!

Sad :(

Heath Ledger found dead in NYC at age 28

Raccoons, Rain, Debates, and Oscars

Random thoughts for the day...

I forgot to take off my eye makeup last night, and I woke up looking like a raccoon.

Who says it doesn't rain in LA?! I woke up to rain and it's supposed to continue through the weekend. And I have to move this weekend - argh!

I don't ever remember to record the debates, and I miss them because they're on while I'm at work. But boy this one was a doozy! It's like a knock-down, drag out fight, and I find it oh so entertaining.

I don't really have a bone to pick with the Oscar nominations. I pretty much approve at first glance. I'll write more about it later. But I'll leave you with a thought...if Cate Blanchett was playing Bob Dylan, should she have gotten a Supporting Actor nomination as opposed to a Supporting Actress nomination? Chew on that one for awhile.

Ok, I feel better now!

I had to leave the house and go for a drive I was so worked up! But after a nice drive around downtown (I love downtown!) and a trip to Target, I'm feeling much better. Like I said, I've absolutely got to stop getting so worked up about these things.

I couldn't help but feel better when I saw the following shirt at Target...



I died laughing when I saw this! As I was by myself, I'm pretty sure some people thought I must be crazy. Since pretty much all of you that read this know my mom, there's no need for an explanation. I just thought, how'd she do that?! Even 1500 miles away she makes sure I hear what I need to hear (or in this case, see what I need to see)!! And for the record, I didn't know that this was the name of a song. I had to google it because I could not figure out why on earth there would be a shirt that said this. I think I may have to go back and buy it!

So.....

I'd like to give a big shout-out to the Dallas offensive line, special teams, and all the guys who got stupid penalties! Oh, and let's not forget the defense giving up a 47 second touchdown drive at the end of the first half. Way to beat yourselves! I thought I'd be pissed at Tony Romo if we lost this game since he went frolicking with Jessica Simpson in Mexico, but you know what - it wasn't his fault. Aaarrgghhhh! I get in such a bad mood after losing games! I've really got to work on that!

The following will determine my mood for the week...

Darn those writers and actors...and producers!

The Golden Globes telecast is officially cancelled, and I am officially sad. I'm a big fan of award shows and while I don't look forward to the Globes like I do the Oscars and the Emmys, I've always enjoyed watching them. But I'm not really here to post about the Golden Globes. I'm actually here to let the world know that I am officially (that's right, it is the 3rd time I've used that word - what about it?!) sick of the stupid strike!! Everybody is being annoying. The producers are annoying because they're greedy. The writers are annoying because they don't seem to care about the viewing public. The actors are annoying because they won't cross the picket lines. Don't writers/directors/actors always say they get into the business because they love the art and they love to entertain? It's amazing how quickly they get jaded by money. And let me let you in on a little secret...television writers are some of the best paid people in Hollywood. They're not really hurting much for money. Though, in the end, I do think the producers should fork over the money. Those guys make you a lot of money, and it's not going to hurt you much to give them a little bit extra. Now all of you go lock yourselves up in a room right now and don't come out until you reach an agreement. I'll give you until the Oscars.

2 things on my mind: Britney & Huck

1) Britney. I loved Britney, and it took a looooong time for me to accept her craziness. But I'm there now and have been for awhile. Despite all the wackiness that she is very responsible for, I can't help but feel sorry for her. The pictures and video that emerged today of her being taken out on a gurney with the paparazzi swarming her is just sickening. How those guys can sleep at night is beyond my comprehension. I love to see pics of celebs out on the town just like the next guy, but I have my limits and I'd like to hope that most of America does, too. I can't imagine what it must be like to have 50+ grown men shoving cameras down your throat any time you step outside your door. I do agree that fame and intrigue comes with the job, but not this insane degree of it. Britney obviously has some severe mental issues and we need to just leave her the heck alone. If she's going to continue her downward spiral and not get the help she needs, then let her do it out of the public eye. No more pictures, no more videos. It's just ridiculous.

2) Mike Huckabee. I'm not really surprised that he won in Iowa. It's amazing how evangelical Christians can get behind a candidate and have such a huge impact. But I find it equally as scary. If someone gets up and says they are a Christian (not just in name, but actually goes to church regularly), pro-life, and against homosexuality, then an insane number of people will blindly follow him. Now I feel like a broken record saying this, but I'm not talking about the people who actually know the issues and his stance on them and believe he most closely aligns with their views. I have absolutely no problem in the world with that group of people. I'm just talking about the people who hear that he's a Christian and support him solely because of that. Does that group of people even know what he stands for outside of the two moral issues? Do you know that he has a track record of big government spending and raising taxes as governor of Arkansas? He even created a government funded children's healthcare program. Are you aware that these are all traditionally liberal positions? Did you pay any attention to his statement after Bhutto's assassination that highlighted his severe lack of foreign policy knowledge? My point is simply this...please research, research, research!! Elections are far too important to get behind a candidate only because they share your faith. FYI, Obama, Clinton, Edwards, and McCain (and Romney if you count Mormonism as part of the Christian faith) are all professing Christians and regular church attendees.